High School Reunion Blues
Posted: Monday, July 09, 2007
by Lisa Barker
http://www.LisaBarker.com
Recently I went shopping for some special occasion outfits. I dressed up because I thought it might help salvage my dignity in case I didn’t find anything flattering to buy.
I’ve come to the conclusion that a tunic dress is not the style for me...unless I want to look like a snake that swallowed a rat.
Baby doll dresses make me look like I’m having a baby.
Yes, it did slim my belly. However it also divided the rolls of fat on my back and I popped out of both the top and bottom.
This is not nearly as flattering as the super spandex underwear that sucks in your lumpiness from the knee to just beneath the breast. It made me look like an over-inflated cyclist and I am fairly certain that my legs turned a shade of purple and blue.
I almost bought them. I thought that maybe I could pass it off as a tan. Any color is better than translucent.
Instead I shucked off the Nazi underwear from h-e-double hockey sticks, hung the withered and deflated thing back on the rack and slinked off, mortified.
Why did I put myself through all that? Four words. Twentieth High School Reunion.
To decide on an outfit for your high school reunion is to determine who you have become. I know who I am, but I won’t have the usual accessories when I go to the reunion, which means I won’t be hollering for those accessories to sit down and be quiet.
Like many moms, my kids define who I am. A high school reunion can be an opportunity to define who we are without kids. I...am Mrs. Potato Head.
Mrs. Potato Head is lumpy and pear-shaped (with a great tan). I am the peeled version. I have large shoes and a large purse. I have an expression for every occasion if I combine the right smile and set of eyes. But I have nothing to wear to my reunion!
Yes, my closet is full of dresses but they are too big for the girl I used to be. And then it occurs to me. Why would I want to be that girl anyway? She was shy, awkward and terrified of the future. She wanted to be funny, speak her mind and feel good in her own skin.
She wanted to be who I have become. I think I’ll just go as me.
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©Lisa Barker - Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane... Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom™, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Wonderful article, Lisa! I laughed and remembered. I think I ended up wearing slacks for the nicer part of the reunion and jeans for the rest of it. It was important to be comfortable. I am much more happy with who I am now than who I was then. Have a great time at your reunion.
I love this article, very funny and well written. I went very inappropriately dressed for the one and only school reunion I went to. It was in 1987 and I was 17. At school I felt like the ugly kid, so I over did the glamour at the reunion. This said, I did generally dress like that at that time. I got the attention of the guys whose attention I always wanted when at school, so that was a 'win' but I did not gain the respect of my female sports teacher who's respect I always wanted, so that was a 'lose'. That said I bet she envied my figure! Anyway, it was a good night, what would I wear now? Nothing too tarty, nothing too dull, nothing too short, nothing too long, ahhhhhhh perfect! I'll wear nothing! That should raise an eyebrow or two!
Hysterical! I just sat down at my computer to get a clue about fall fashions so that I, too, can be presentable at my upcoming 20th reunion. This article made me laugh out loud, and restored my perspective! Thank you, Lisa, from someone who shares your style in "accessories!"
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