Mommisms - Moms Say The Darndest Things
Posted: Tuesday, August 01, 2006
by Lisa Barker
http://www.LisaBarker.com
Mommisms are things your mother said a million times until one day they popped out of your mouth while you were ranting at your kids. For example:
+ If you fall and break your neck, I’ll kill you!
+ This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen…
+ If you think (fill in the blank), you’ve got another think coming!
I know when a mommism is coming out of my mouth. I see my kids roll their eyes and mouth the words as I say them.
+ You must think I took stupid pills this morning.
+ I'm not having you go door-to-door selling stuff for the school. I have a tight budget, too, and you don't see me having you sell door-to-door, do you?
+ I thought I'd buy you clothes instead of McDonalds. You'll look better wearing pants to school instead of a cheeseburger.
+ DON'T you tell me what YOU are going to do! I'm the parent and I say what you're going to do…and I'll tell you what that is as soon as I figure it out!
+ Why do you kids bother asking me a question and then don't bother to listen to the answer?
+ You're miserable? Good. I'm doing a great job, then.
+ This is NOT Burger King you're not getting it your way, right away.
+ Well, excuse me for trying to have a conversation with your father--please don't let that stop you from interrupting us.
+ And if your friends told you to stick your underwear on your head and prance around in the street, would you?
+ What's that you say? You want something? Do I hear, "You are the most superior and all powerful mother and I am but a poor toast crumb"?
+ Boo-dee-beep! We're sorry, the mommy you have been whining to has been temporarily disconnected. Please try your complaint again later.
+ You walk out this door you better keep on walking, mister. Don't you dare walk out that door!
+ This is not a democracy. I am the Queen Mother.
+ Here, I made your favorite dish - shutupandeatit.
+ From now on no one in this house will look at or touch another person!
+ Where’s my stash of chocolate?
+ Where’s your father?!
Motherhood isn’t glamorous and mommisms prove that. But sometimes a mommism can make for some great comic relief in hindsight. Got a favorite mommism or quip? Send me a line.
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©Lisa Barker - LISA BARKER is a syndicated humor columnist and mom of five. Her latest book is “Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane ... Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" See www.JellyMom.com for more information.
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